dear zit,
this joke you are trying to play on me is not funny.
you are mocking me from deep within my skin and the pain you are causing me is unbelievable. the worst part of it is is that there's nothing to do about you. there is no way to expedite your long journey from the center of my face. i don't know exactly how long you'll be there, but i'm almost certain of what the outcome will be.
will you rise to the surface like any other normal zit, grateful to live a short and ignorant life? or will you stay hidden for weeks, biding your time until you disappear back from whence you came?
no. neither of these things will happen because you are a smart zit. a zit with an itinerary. an intelli-zit. and here is what will happen.
you will continue to torture me for about two more days. then, one morning, you will show yourself. you will rear your ugly head and brandish your sword of intolerable pain. and i will have to deal with you. no matter how much i will try not to touch you, you will beckon me, seducing me with the possibility of a calm, peaceful resolution. i know the truth. i know how this will end. it will not be easy or satisfying and i'm going to have to spent the next week and a half catering to your every need.
you suck, zit.
yours,
me
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