temping.

during my first few months in chicago (and like most recent transplants to the city), i worked various jobs for a temp agency. one job was at a real estate office, another simply consisted of me stuffing envelopes while sitting in a herman miller chair...the most interesting assignment was a one-night stint at a plastic surgery convention hosted by a michigan avenue hotel. upon my arrival at the inter-continental, i was informed that i would be stationed in a conference room filled with tv/vcr sets in which the visiting docs would check out and watch instructional videos featuring in-depth, discovery channel-style surgeries. as i sat down to start my shift, i realized that i had (stupidly) forgotten anything to read...or do. i had brought a notebook with me and i recorded my experiences there in detail.

here you go:

july 2001

"i am now temping at a plastic surgery convention. i am the greeter/'video theater engineer.' the doctors enter and check out the video they would like to view. the videos are of plastic surgery. so far, i've only glanced at one rhinoplasty! i think it was a nose that i was looking at...i'm not positive. oh god. i accidentally saw a tube being put into someone's face. it's almost, almost as gross as those horrible hairless rats they have at the lincoln park zoo. i hate them.

there is absolutely no reason for me to be here.

whoops! i just looked at a giant silver needle being inserted into the nose. i know there's worse stuff happening on screen now, but i refuse to look. refuse.

i wish i had a book. nobody's coming in here.

there's a wedding reception going on in the ballroom next door. i just saw a bride and groom being whisked into the room by an operative barking commands into a walkie-talkie. once safely inside, the employee locked the door behind the happy couple. i suppose they needed some privacy.

oh! another doctor is here! checked out a video on something called a "mastopexy." he has food. his dinner i think. i am way too dressed up. the doctors are wearing polos. no fair.

did i mention that i desperately want a book? or a magazine? anything... i'm trying not to look at the doctor's dinner...ooh. what's that? mmm. brownie...not that that's what he's actually eating, i'm just thinking of my dream brownie again. whoops! looked at a screen again. don't DO that.

now i'm hearing sounds coming from inside the doctor's headphones. it sounds like a drilling of some sort. or a scraping. yuck. it's no good. wait a minute. i hear suctioning, definite suctioning.

i just had to get up and tell some of the little kids from the wedding to pipe down. then i stole a couple of mini-jams from a nearby table. i'm starving. uh-oh. a loose bridesmaid and now i can hear the music from the reception. i need a drink.

god, it's hard not to look. don't look! i'm strangely hungry, though...i'm thinking of eating my stolen jellies.

alright...it's nearing the end of the evening...i've been watching a "laser resurfacing." the outside of her face is wrapped in foil and --- wow! what a vibrant red! ok. look away. need to take a break...laser resurfacing is pretty cool as far as i can tell.

i'm getting less witty, more wilty and wishing i was next door at the wedding. there's a nice jazz band playing.

oh no. not another rhinoplasty...think i'm gonna puke.

i gotta sign off..."


hey. people out there, please feel free to share any temp stories you might have. i'd love to read them... :)